Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
