Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize