I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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