i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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