Sponge bath it is.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
