I wish life had little blips of pornography
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
