I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just forgot I was standing up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
