Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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