He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
