i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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