Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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