ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
