dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
