Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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