I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
