I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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