My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
