So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
