oh god the rape fog is back!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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