Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
