Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
