Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
