I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
