Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My bed smells like the plague
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