Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Two words: blizzard sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
