I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
