RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
