omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
