I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
