so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
