So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
