think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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