this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
