morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
