I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
