oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....