I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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