going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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