He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
