My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.