You're completely useless in the revolution.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
