I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize