There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
