she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
