my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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