Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
