Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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