whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
