How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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