I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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