your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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