Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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