Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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