This is not my ceiling
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
