Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
