i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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