I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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