Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
