U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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