i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
