He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
