it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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