He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
