Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
