I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
