you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
