shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
