Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
