Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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