I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
