her vagine was all disorganized.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
