nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
