i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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