she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize