I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
