If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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