do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
