Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize