woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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