Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
